April 14, 2009

Obama should hire me as an advisor. We'd have really short meetings. And good things would happen. Here's today's briefing...

1) Require American ships passing by Somalia to be armed.

2) Arrest Angelo Mozillo and Michael Perry, complete with glorious, slow (slow enough so they can be egged) frog-marches through the public square.

3) 2010 $1 gallon gas tax to fund mass transport, upped 10% a year through 2020.

4) $5,000 tax credit to buy a new car and donate your old one (9+ years)

5) Retirement age 70 effective 2020, upped every 10 years based on life expectancy data

6) NCAA football playoff utilizing the bowl system effective 2010 or cut all Div-1 university funding

7) Troops to the borders, forcefully evict all illegals, announce massive new legal immigration scheme

8) Shut down the NAR and MLS on anti-racketeering immediately

9) Manned mission to Mars by 2020

10) Name an Independent Special Prosecutor to investigate housing ponzi scheme and corruption

Oh, stop by a DC bar for a couple of Buds, hit a NASCAR race, adopt an orphan, have Jim Cramer, Meredith Whitney, Karl Denninger and Nouriel Roubini over for a barbeque, and take a trip to the Arctic Circle to survey the damage.


18 comments:

Anonymous said...

3) 2010 $1 gallon gas tax to fund mass transport, upped 10% a year through 2020.So...it will be $2.59 in 2020?

ho with a crack said...

I understand the reasoning behind almost everything, although I may not agree with the advice. The bit that has me stumped is the Mars mission -- it is a nice sound bite (so Bush used it) and certainly some sort of useful thing will come from it (Tang, astronaut ice cream), but the cost for the likely benefits as I see them is not significant.

keith said...

On Mars, it's barely defensible, but I think it's important for America, and the world through America, to dream. To do amazing things.

America could lead a mission to Mars, funded 25% by corporate sponsorships and 25% by other countries. One of the astronauts should be from China and one from Russia.

Hell, we just blew through $10 trillion, so what's another trillion at this point?

I want to see something amazing in my lifetime. It's been nearly half a century since the f*cking moon. It's time we did great things again.

JoeSadButTrue said...

Agree with all of your points.

However, not a single one will be adopted because there is a small, but powerful special interest group with enough cash to kill every single proposal.

jfp said...

I actually agreed with that, except for the car credit. Current generation vehicles are going to be a burden in a few years.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

Not a bad list, except that if America just busted a few hundred crooked bosses who hire lots of illegals, then the rest of the bosses would start to make sure they only hired LEGAL AMERICANS, and the illegals would repatriate themselves.

Crooked bosses harm America far more than unions do.

Anonymous said...

fine, keith, tell me. how do you solve the problem humans have with extended periods of weightlessness? also how do you solve the problem with the space radiation and its affect on humans? keith, we have never been to the moon, much less made it past the van allen belt. the space radiation kills human beings. also weightlessness has deleterious effects on humans as well. i am just sayin....

Humble Trader said...

Ah, Keith. You live in such a tiny little world. You think your narrow focus on a few things -- such as making sure Angelo Mozilo is arrested, or making sure we purge any mention of creationism from classrooms -- makes you wise and worthy to be a Presidential advisor. Such a fool you are.

I still don't get why evolutionists are so terrified of creationism being discussed in classrooms.

If the theory of evolution is verifiably correct, then it can easily withstand any challenge.

Yet because evolutionists turn into angry jiggling jello when a child asks, "OK, so how did the first living cell come to be, and why can't one be created by humans from scratch?"...and they HATE that they can't answer the basic questions...they insist that alternative lines of thought be banned.

will shill for coin said...

>6) NCAA football playoff utilizing the bowl system effective 2010 or cut all Div-1 university funding.


I have not a scintilla of a clue what that means.

Anonymous said...

Ya a lot of things WOULD happen--

riots
shootings
soaring crime rate
old people begging in the streets
etc
etc

Anonymous said...

Jim Cramer on the barbie. Nice. Cannibalism will feed the world.

les said...

Obama won't hire you. You want to arrest his friends.

We live on Earth now... said...

We can put a man on Mars for about $500 cash. Cheap film crew and some of that red sand from Home Depot to go with a bunch of fans & tin-foil.

Worked for the moon shot and it would work again ...

After that just scrap the whole "Space Program" and replace it with a "Alt Fuel Vehicle" program that we all can really use.

A 150 mile solar powered vehicle...now that would be something to poke your chest out on...

Anonymous said...

I have not a scintilla of a clue what that means.Unfortunately, I do, and it does not belong on this blog. Queeferino has apparently been hitting the bong a little too hard.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous We live on Earth now... said...

We can put a man on Mars for about $500 cash. Cheap film crew and some of that red sand from Home Depot to go with a bunch of fans & tin-foil.

Worked for the moon shot and it would work again ...

After that just scrap the whole "Space Program" and replace it with a "Alt Fuel Vehicle" program that we all can really use.

A 150 mile solar powered vehicle...now that would be something to poke your chest out on...

April 14, 2009 8:36 PM<<<

the anons have it keith. i rest my case...ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

Intel Profit Declines 55% on Falling Chip Demand

April 14 (Bloomberg) -- Intel Corp., the world’s biggest chipmaker, said first-quarter profit fell 55 percent because of slowing computer demand and signaled sales won’t recover in the current period.

Profit plunged for a second straight quarter as personal- computer makers cut back chip orders in the industry’s worst slump since 2001.
Hey but everybody will be buying $4,000 MacBooks, or getting and iPhone with a $300/month bill from AT&T, right? Right?

It makes perfect sense! AAPL will soar tomorrow!

/sarcasm

West Coast Willie said...

Put William Black in charge of something.

yoski said...

"4) $5,000 tax credit to buy a new car and donate your old one (9+ years)"
I already got an old carcass of a car in case such stupidity comes to pass. Keep government from interfering with the markets.
No more subsidies for anything, no more bailouts or stimulus plans. We need a set of rules and regulations (ie. laws) that are enforced by the FBI. Get rid of the SEC, they have already proven to be utterly incompetent/corrupt.
Once a clear set of rules is in place and enforced, leave the markets to themselves, in good times and in bad.
Those rules must included:
1. no naked short selling, it's essentially counterfeiting securities.
2. Tax any bonus above $500K at 100%. ie. confiscate anything above $500k not to give any more perverse incentives to cook the books or excessive risk taking.
3. No more of balance sheet entities.
4. If it looks like an insurance and acts like an insurance (= CDS) then it gets regulated like insurance.
5. reinstate Glass-Stegal
6. Get rid of Ginnie Mae, Fannie and Freddy. They don't promote home ownership, they promote unaffordability.
7. More severe consequences for personal bankruptcy, like debtor's prison or forced labor. That way numb nuts might live within their means.
...well that's about it for starters.