January 12, 2010

Rainbows and unicorns yippee!!! Crisis over!!!! Now let's pave the streets with gold!!!

Whew. That got scary for awhile.

No need to look at the man behind the curtain.

Everyone move along now. Nothing to see here.

Rainbows and unicorns yippee!!!!

Federal Reserve earned $45 billion in 2009

Wall Street firms aren't the only banks that had a banner year. The Federal Reserve made record profits in 2009, as its unconventional efforts to prop up the economy created a windfall for the government.

The Fed will return about $45 billion to the U.S. Treasury for 2009, according to calculations by The Washington Post based on public documents. That reflects the highest earnings in the 96-year history of the central bank. The Fed, unlike most government agencies, funds itself from its own operations and returns its profits to the Treasury.


Anonymous said...

I guess that figure doesn't include all of the treasuries they bought with the printing press, since that's just a loan.

Anonymous said...

What a scam. The profits were from all the fiat money that the treasury printed. I don't know if I'm getting more depressed than angry or more angry than depressed.

Moderate infidel said...

Bahaha Wahahaha..

My name is Al-bin-salami-bawaba-bin-aol-bin-citi

I too had a record year in profits..
OK not from my peoples investment in infidel companies, bot from the liquid gold under my feet.

Unlike the fed, I don’t have to do anything to make money; I just sleep a lot and the infidels pump the gold from ungrounded and pay and pay and pay.

Unlike the fed I am a prince with a very large boat.

Unlike the fed I get all the holy ladies I please.

Anonymous said...

A parasite fills it's wallet with IOUs, based on the ability to tax the productive endeavors of it's subjects.

Another arm of the same issues different IOUs, but 80% of them go unsold, so it buys them itself with the first IOUs.

That about right?

Mad As H*** said...

The government better be careful---

They keep publishing these reports that the economy is improving, unemployment is improving, and all is well. The news is reporting that the TARP Banksters are partying with record bonus money.

Meanwhile, out in real life, people are suffering and it doesn't feel like it's getting any better.

"Let them eat cake" didn't go over too well 200 years ago.

casey the flipper said...

Do you guys actually believe this crap?Audit the fed and see the real losses.They nothing more than a ponzi scheme going.Why is the fed buying 80% of the us debt?

Anonymous said...

Even that beautiful unicorn picture can't stop me from shedding a tear over all the idiocy. oh, the humanity.


is it all up and away from here or what?


Anonymous said...

oh mr. moderate infidel -

I LOVE your interviews with the comely Maria Bartiromo. The silk scarf! The designer sunglasses! The Arabian thoroughbreds in the background! So understated!

Anonymous said...

oh man, I don't feel so good all of a sudden...

Budvar said...

Rainbows and unicorns? Isn't that where HP left off? The fed made a profit in 2009 in much the same way that Zimbabwes GDP growth is 1000% a month.....

consultant said...

I suppose this is what it feels like if you jump off a cliff and find out the parachute you thought worked, doesn't.

You haven't hit yet, but you're still yanking on the cord.

Gabor said...

Well, if their profits are taxed at 100%, then I would argue that that pretty much negates all the conspiracy theory. It's just a tool of the gov to print money and not really a private bank that collects interest on nothing.

keith said...

Too bad they just didn't load up on AAPL, eh?

If they actually do audit the Fed, be afraid.

Be very afraid.

Anonymous said...


So one year later,

How's that Hope and Change werkin out for ya?



Angry Leprechaun said...

Auditing the Fed will mean more popcorn. Lost more popcorn. And load the gun! Shit is going to get very sketchy when people realize that having any faith in our monetary sysytem was the dumbest thing ever. I can't wait!

The only problem is Bernanke and Co. know it is coming. It would be stupid to assume they are not making a second set of books right now.

Wolf said...

Fellow Sashers:

The most uplifting piece I’ve read in a long time

A must read for everyone,


Anonymous said...

How did these companies make enough money to even reportprofits and pay the US Gvt.

Did not hear Exxon or Shell made that much last year.....all monopoly money....yeah right.


From Reuters:

[b]"The December report for the Troubled Asset Relief Program, or TARP, showed that the fiscal 2009 net loss included estimated losses of $30.4 billion for AIG and $30.4 billion for automakers, with $27.1 billion in losses from the Home Affordable Modification Program.

These were much larger than a $15 billion profit registered from the Capital Purchase Program for banks and $4.4 billion in profits from other bank investments, asset guarantee and lending programs."[/b]

"Nothing gets by Joe" -- President Obama commenting in January 2009 on his appointment of VP Joe Biden to oversee the government's bailout programs.

Anonymous said...

Still posting Keith.....very nice

Anonymous said...

Yeeeeee haaaaaaw.

The crisis is over.

Suzanne researched it.

Deucebag said...

you forgot puppy dog kisses

Banana Republicrat said...

Man, Keith write something original! This is the second time this week you've re-posted a story from The Onion.

casey said...

the ponzi scheme continues.we have the blind leading the blind as usual.Why is gas so f@ckin expensive again.I thought we were in the worst recession in history?Seems like the oil companies figured out a new way to f@ck the little guy.I bet we have 4 buck gas this spring and summer.

Got recovery bitches?

gwk said...

we are a year into this sitcom so do you have any thoughts that you would like to share with the idiots who voted for this disaster or should we just talk about banks or aig or realtors or maybe even sarah so thanks for showing up

Anonymous said...

And in real news in FL today.. The local Albertson’s will close in 2 wks, & 4 Checkers FF joints shut down. We have 200 comm FCs in the area, expected to double in '10. 12% UE. When the tourism dries up in Apr restaurants and retail will fall like dominos. Most recently home prices indicate a lost decade as they revert to 2000 levels & monthly foreclosure filings reach the 2nd highest level ever in Dec.

It is going to start looking real mad max around here come summer. I’m w/Anon @ 1:37 depressed, mad, disgusted? Maybe a new chart is in order Keith. I'd say I've just left depressed and am entering disgust and will likely remain there for quite a while.

Time to drink some zin and watch some fake news before I get too disgusted about all that real stuff I’m seeing. Like tune-in to tune-out.


Mike Hunt said...

Fed's going to be in trouble soon.

Watch Geithner go down first then the spotlight is back on Bennie & the Inkjets.



Mike Hunt said...

As they say, "How do you make a small fortune in Thailand?"

A: Start with a very large fortune, of course.

So the FED made $45 Billion dollars while expanding their balance sheet to contain $2 Trillion dollars of worthless sludge?

Yep, better not audit the Fed after all.


Anonymous said...

gwk said...

we are a year into this sitcom so do you have any thoughts that you would like to share with the idiots who voted for this disaster...

So this disaster started Jan. 19, 2009; everything wonderful until then?

Thanks for the chuckle.

Honica Jewinski said...


I hope you goyim are enjoying this kosher ass raping!

Cause you KNOW the jews just love administering it.

Anonymous said...

Hey but Jim Cramer says everything is hunky dorey! http://tinyurl.com/ybmaxrf

gwk said...

lets see one of your anonymous idiots who i guess voted for this fraud in dc got a chuckle from my post which is why i post to bring out the best so the sitcom is on the circus is in town i love a circus especially the clowns and yes i know its bushs fault

Deucebag said...

Sweet, Honica is back - now all we need is Andrew Hac and it will be just like old times.

Anonymous said...

Guess no more: I knew neither Obama and McCain would do anything to reverse this debacle, so I voted for neither.

Any thoughts on Phil "nation of whiners/Enron loophole/UBS diamond smuggler tax cheat" Gramm as economic advisor?

Yes; he truly would've advocated standing up to the "banks."

Upgrade me to a guffaw on that one, Bozo.

Mike Hunt said...

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi met up with the CEO of Goldman Sachs Lloyd Blankfein over lunch to discuss another backdoor bailout from the gov't into the banks. As they finished lunch she asked Lloyd if he'd care to make a little wager.

CEO Blankfein's ears perked up and he asked what is the wager about.

Pelosi replied, "Well I'd make you a bet that your testicles are, in fact, made of gold since you are the leader of Goldman Sachs."

He shakes his head and laughs and she continues on:

"and to show I'm serious I'm willing to pay you $50 million dollars if I'm wrong"

Blankfein breathes in sharply and pauses. A guaranteed trade is too good to pass up. Just to be sure he goes to the restroom to double check that his 'boys' are indeed made of flesh. With $50 million at stake he was taking no chances. He comes back to agree on the deal and Pelosi informs him that she will need to verify this personally with her lawyer present to ensure a 3rd party witnesses that the deal is official.

The next day at 11:45am Pelosi and her lawyer arrive at Goldman Sachs and go up to the CEO office. After arriving Blankfein agrees to do the verification in his office and will collect the money just after this. Just as his pants are down and she is checking things out everybody hears a loud noise just outside the glass door to his office.

Blankfein is stunned to see Warren Buffett banging his forehead against the wall outside his office and asks why Warren Buffett is here and what is he doing?

Pelosi replies, "Oh I bet Warren Buffett $3 Billion dollars yesterday that I'd have the CEO of Goldman Sachs by the balls by lunchtime today"

Just made that one up based on an oldie adapted to modern times. Enjoy people.


Anonymous said...

Yippee if you believe in unicorns,then you should believe that there is a corelationship between sunspot cycle and the economic cycle too.

Sunspots min in 1998 and Asian Crisis

Sunspots max in 2000 and DotCom bust

Sunspots min in 2008 and housing bust

What will happen in 2012 when sunspots peak.


Anonymous said...

"...Just to be sure he goes to the restroom to double check..."

Pure. Comedy. Gold. that one.

Thanks, Mike.

Anonymous said...

Obama: 'We want our money back,'

Who are you kidding, Rube? You'll never lay a glove on 'em.

He'll be down to his hardcore 20% soon; just like Bush.

Which brings nearly all of us to a common ground; doesn't it?

It is the system that 80% of us fault. We have no substantial choice.

Irrefutable evidence: overwhelming opposition to the bailout; big fat Screw You from our government in response.